HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI; Episode 3: Ms. “Angel” (simply that and nothing else)

Girls will as much be girls as boys will be boys.

We need to simply have those drama sequences, anger on things we would laugh about later, fashion and shopping talks and yes, a shoulder to cry our heart out. At this stage I must admit that while expressing all this at once does drain you out, it takes an almost superhuman strength for the person who is unfortunate enough to be at the receiving end. So thereby I christen thee my angel for your god like strength to all my turbulence.

When you have found your best friend you know it. You need not have been chaddi buddies or long-time acquaintances. The moment you develop your secret language of gestures, laugh out loud on things alien to others but extraordinarily funny to you, sing LP songs together and comprehend the silent promise of being there for each other – you know you have been hitched up for life! :P

Your achievements are multiplied manifold when she speaks about them. You are the ultimate stylista in her eyes (No one ask for my wardrobe collection at this stage please! ). People who have wronged you, are the devil’s advocate according to her. She will shroud all your mistakes. She does the impossible job of highlighting your qualities where you see fallacies. She will remember each and every thing you said even when you forget, and remind you those crucial tiny details when you most need them. When the world stops listening, she hears you. Her eyes will always find you, when the world confers you invisibility. In essence you feel “like a boss” in every aspect of your existence with her lovely presence, motivation and encouragement.  

 In this superficial world around, only her apologies seem sincere for missing a hangout, for landing a missed call on her cell phone or non reply to a “need you” text message, because those convey truly her sadness at not being able to. She will let you be a critic on all her works first before passing it to the rest of the world, being a happy obedient student while you be the bad, criticising teacher. While I am ferocious in any wrong done to her, she teaches me how can the same defence be conducted with gentleness. At time when anger clouds all sense, she can calm you down to a level-head, graciously taking all the steam that ensues in the transformation.

You may be sullen if she remains out of the picture for days on an end and foolishingly assume her probable indifference. Yet she enters the portrait of your life again as if she never had gone anywhere and you simply can’t remain cross. You feel just so happy to realise she was somehow invisibly present all this while.

All my secrets, I shamelessly bare before you,

My joys and happiness as much yours as mine,

However harsh the times we may be going through,

Till my angel looks out for me, I know I will be just fine.

Let me tell you my angel, the radiance with which you light up everyone’s life is unparalleled. The world remains a bit dull without a smile on your face. We may not be together all the while (and I hate your college for this always) but don’t be gloomy ever because of people who do not deserve the blessing of your friendship. Be happy for all those who cherish you in the manner you should be. Remember that being happy is a key part at excelling at all your undertakings. No doubt that you have already made your mark in all fields possible. Next time do that with that 100 watt waali "takatak" smile.

                               

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI; Episode 2: Ms. “Pareshaan aatma”

And you have in front of you, a cherished afternoon siesta from a second half off. You snuggle into your bed with a lovely novel. And lo and behold! There is an announcement in your lobby that your over enthusiastic friend has jumped off from a not-so-slow bus (no suicidal tendencies though :P). So you rush off to Apollo and want to shout at her so bad for scaring you so much. Yet when her befuddled gaze falls upon you, all you can muster is,

“Sudhregi nahi tu kabhi!”

 I was of the opinion that I can be perfectly happy independently when I did not manage to make any friends initially after shifting to college. Contended with my books and coping with the daily chores of independent existence took up my time and I felt this was the way to be. She made her “Dabbanngg” entry then. Made me realise it was criminal to stay like this and it was high time I gave a true blue college life a chance.

“Kitna padhti hai re, kabhi to ghum liya kar bahar!”

“Gapiyane ka man kar rha hai... bahut frustiya liye yaar!”

I was glad to see the “normal” me returning in her presence.

Her presence filled with mischief and fun is contagious. She likes her surroundings to be jolly and even if they aren’t, turns them into a festive mood.  Her zest and enthusiasm for adventurous pursuits makes us feel like old ladies in front of her. No one can feel alone around her. She takes it upto her to ensure that everyone around her feels present and accounted for. Even though all of those “everyone” can wilfully ignore her later on or in a classic display of bitchiness, mock her on her back, she does not give a damn. She never wants to be independent or on her own, and rightfully so because she is there for her friends always and hence expects them to be too. Although we made her realise the hard way that this was not to be. I have wronged her at times and consequently realised her magnanimity in forgiving me every time I may have let her down.

But to my credit, I have made her retain her nerdy side as far as possible!

“Yaar palle nhi pad rha code meko...ek ghante se wahi question pe dimaag laga rahi hun”

“Acche se padhne baithe the but bilkul focus nahi ho paa rha”

    “To chup chaap aake mere room mein padh and idhar udhar dhyan lagana n nautanki karna band kar. Abhi concentrate kar le baad mein distract ho lena!”

Like is with every relationship, there has to be an element of complementation. She’s the fun element and I am the serious one. She is the talkative element, I am the silent one. She’s the photographer, but wait....I can’t be her muse! :p

                                                        

This account is dedicated to my first friend in BIT. Who surprises me with her profoundness underneath her colourful exterior. Who has been my confidant and advisor (whose advice is better listened but not taken :p). With whom this Miss Perfect to the world shares her imperfections without any hesitations. Even if I become irritated with her endless tirades and shoo her off at times, looking back I know she’ll be there and smiling because both of us knew I’ll look back.

“Yaar ,we’ll get drunk after placement, ek baar na please!”

             “Ladki ab tum chup ho jao!”

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI ; Episode 1: Ms. “Hamesha mere saath hi aisa hota hai”

You get an urgent knock on your door. A message has been delivered on your phone heralding the emotional storm that is to be unleashed into the fragile room of yours. And hence enter your friend, on the verge of one of her breakdowns. She is irritated to find your roommate there.

“Can’t she be someplace else now!” And you are thankful that your roomie dearest is very much there to provide cushioning to the effects of the ensuing thundering.

Well roommate or not she starts off,
"I'm jus sick and tired of all the mind games people make up now-a-days...can't life be a bit more simple?"

“Yaar why did I do vellapanti in first year, these programs have oh so high CG requirements!”

“I’m telling you, anything and everything I do, cannot be free of any glitches. I’m doomed till eternity!”

And this tirade is not one way. She has to complete what she has to. But you need to provide your inputs too.

“Are yaar, why are you bothering yourself so, ignore maar na”, “There a lot many other programs out there, I’ll look some up”, “Sunna kisi ki life is not perfect, so drop it”

Oh but drop it, ha she won’t! She will go on and even she is mentally agreeing and knowing what you are going to say next, she will make you say and take out every last bit of advice from you until you’re out of them. And heavens have mercy on you if you run out of advices before she has completed her story of the day. Ah the look you’ll get, is one of utmost deception and treachery. You actually start feeling guilty and go on with the best possible consolation and suggestions you’re able to formulate. After a session with her, you feel accomplished,

“Hell man, I would’ve rocked as a psychiatrist. Kahan engineering mein aa gyi!”

She teaches you patience, makes you a keen listener with the persistence to lend an ear to her troubles.  She makes you compatible with odd schedules, because her appointments with you aren’t scheduled, they can come in the dead of the night, evening, afternoon or absolutely anytime. She enables you to feel confident about yourself, in process of untangling her life, you gain insight into yours. You realise the importance of small problems, you considered inconsequential earlier and now know how to manage them. You feel pride in being the role of a guardian angel and despite all your sleeplessness or exhaustion, at the end of the day, if you have made her smile and lent her happiness, it is worth all the trouble taken so far.

You know yours is the only shoulder she can cry her heart out and only in your eyes can she see an understanding for her troubles. The very fact that she feels free to share things that are so deep and intimate to her, makes you realise that the level of attachment between you two is as close like the life giving umbilical cord between a mother and a child. Believe me I do feel a motherly instinct for this special baby of mine! :P

And let me tell you my friend, that smile of yours is one of the most exquisite things I’ve ever seen. Grace the world with its presence more often as this angel promises to be with you in one form or the other and will go to any length to make you feel everything’s alright. You can trouble me all you want, stay angry at me for leaving you alone at times and give me all the scathing looks or even bang the door right in my face! Aayegi ghum ke mere paas hi I know and my warm embrace will be eternally present to engulf you with all the joys and happiness I can muster for you my dear.

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI

About this clichéd-titled series of mine: first question, why is this a cliché? It is because all the happy realities in today’s “extra-terrestrial-seeking” world have been tagged as clichés. So what if the title is borrowed, it is time someone thanked and gave credit to the creator of this phrase. In my opinion, nothing sums up the inherent beauty of friendship better than this line. The exquisite thing about this relation is that, it is unique for anyone and everyone, for it is defined by the people who constitute it. Each of our friends adds a new dimension, making this element more multi-dimensional than any of Sheldon Cooper’s dimensional analysis of the universe! Also, more the colours on the palate of friendship, better is the lesson of managing diversity early in life.

This series is dedicated to that smile of a stolen bitchy conversation, that hearty laugh over an entirely serious lecture, the spontaneous jigs on any tune possible in the hostel, to the deep love that blossomed from friendship; in entirety to my crazily blessed world of friends.   

Finally this will be a promise fulfilled, who has been honoured with the dedication of the first episode, who is smiling by the time they read this. And who will be ready to come and probably beat me black and blue for this candid take! :p

Perpetual to ephemeral

The veil that was once steadfast, is now revealing,

She winces and broods, for there is a flame burning.

It flutters and sways, tearing away from her hapless self,

Eating away the mask, behind which she effectively hid herself.

Pragmatic and perfect, that was her demeanour,

And so she upheld a non-chaotic existence with fervour.

The world reverently saw someone, fiercely independent and happily lonely,

Eventually this pretence became, a deep gnawing misery.  

Inside she yearned for a passion unsung,

Fantasized about a fictional affection, to which she happily clung.

She dared not dream of a corporeal possibility,

And reprimanded herself for this sheer senility.

But as is the rule with balance, order gave way to bedlam,

A sweet cacophony of heartstrings, a delicate melody had now come.

She realized love had somehow upturned her cocoon of reality,

Yet the pupa didn’t want a transformation, for the butterfly symbolised fragility.

Never before had she acknowledged, the happiness of confusion,

Joys that were somehow invisible, rationality in a state of delusion.

A tinkle in the eye, jump in her step, now marred her strict persona,

She turned deaf to what the world said, and they proclaimed the fall of a Madonna.

Still these transitions she kept invisible from her beloved,

Tides of time had taught her to never let go, of the ambitions she so dearly coveted.

Try as she might, she could not yet shed the mask before him,

And for the bigger tapestry of their unfolding lives, conferred her love a silent hymn.

She knew she was no one to be a judge, and yet she set up a test,

 She did not want to surrender in, putting forward her vulnerable best.

Her belief could only foster, when he could comprehend her silent consent,

Transforming the perpetual forlornness into an ephemeral one, her judgement done once and for all, 

Her final assent.

LIVING THE DREAM.... @ Cargill global scholars program

Howsoever I may keep the pretext of not being a dreamer, I have realised that anybody and everybody, even though may look like downright practical freaks (oops that’s just me I guess), have their purposes shaped from dreams. The little girl, who my mother described to be independent to the extent of eating from her own tiny hands and refusing assistance from her, is proud to state that she has finally come of age in her quest of standing up for herself! She is now a CARGILL GLOBAL SCHOLAR!

The day I laboriously (hear hear IIE :P ) managed to complete my application process, I was more than relieved to be done. I did have some hunch of this being good, but good would now be too small an adjective to describe the experience that has defined a new level of good that can happen to anyone. Reading the first two lines of the mail I received in response to my application seemed like a no. But a closer scrutiny shouted a big yes, and I was more than happy to embark on this journey. Facing my first professional interview panel, was outright scary and no mincing of words here. You keep reflecting back on things that could have been or that I wasn’t smart enough to say something better. In the end, there is no better pretending that you did all things right and made through. And yes also read your name on the IIE’s site for confirmation!

The excited anticipation almost reached a crescendo on the flight to Delhi for our award ceremony and workshop and made my air-sickness even worse! But the smooth ride to Teri gram and the sheer tranquil beauty of the campus calmed my agitated nerves and set the mood right for a dive into our deeper selves that was yet to come. When like minds get together, an instant connection forges sans any effort. Right from the start, all the scholars shared a great rapport. Outlandish as everyone was in speaking, spontaneous debates and arguments did ensue at times. But these helped us to learn and grow as a cohort of future leaders. For a leader is after all that ideal blackbody that absorbs criticism equally with praise and must reflect back everything positive.

Pravah, a Delhi-based NGO that transforms youth for social change, took the onus of conducting our leadership workshop. And I feel that nobody could have done it better than them. It was like back to the classroom, only that it was anything but that. The activities were so simple in their outlook and yet every exercise made us discover new facets of ourselves and foster the leader within us.

The trust fall taught us that sometimes in life, you just need to let go and take the leap of faith. Plus the mid-air adrenaline rush is un-matchable! Facing our deep-buried fears and tackling them with our fellows and facilitators as the best support group anybody could find. Enacting out apparently crazy stuff and later realising that something as simple as an echolocation and playing batman can teach us how to evolve into better people. The case studies and exploring questionnaires prepared by the “pravah” team, though quite exhaustive to get through, imparted rational wisdom in ways we couldn’t have fathomed. It was like a looking glass had been handed over to us and we discovered a new world in ourselves as wonderful as Alice’s wonderland!

Cargill, I happily discovered, despite being a trading giant, is among the very few insightful corporate houses that takes part in all its initiatives from the forefront. An institute which has actually initiated the food security concept in our country way before the government should have. We had a visit to “Prayas” an NGO and rescued girls’ centre, one of the feeding partners of Cargill. This helped gain insight into the challenging part of the community that we as leaders are supposed to build and work with.  Interaction with the top Cargill brass and the rendition of the stories of real-life leaders was enriching beyond measure. Also I have discovered a guide and friend in my mentor from Cargill who I know will be a sheet-anchor for me throughout our association.

Finally we were upon that proud moment of actually becoming recipients of the Cargill global scholarship award. And yes in the Taj! The award ceremony was picture perfect, and our last-minute skit surprisingly went well and was applauded. What followed was a volley of camera shots, documentaries and interviews and with it the metamorphosis of the scholars into celebrities. Only we know that instead of a red carpet we will build our own carpet of progress and revolution.

Never before had the taste of hard work been so sweet. A fabulous stay at the most exclusive retreats, took the experience to an overwhelming high. I cannot thank my lucky stars enough, (if they exist!) for making me a part of the colourful global tapestry of individuals who believe in being the change they want to see around them. I’ve taken back a new, insightful version of mine who is now capable of bravely facing her fears, challenging herself and believes in her capability of shaping a better and secure future for the world.

This is the dream that has become corporeal, it is here and it is now!!

When the smile is sadder than the sigh......

[my first attempt at the poetry genre :) ]

Hold me close,

Let me be near,

Before the dreadful hour beckons,

And you disappear.

The tear that defiantly rolls down,

Will eventually pay its price,

Yet I shall never reveal to you,

this forlorn disguise.

Your wings are too precious,

Never allow them to be bound,

Fly away, as far as you please,

Let me bear my heart’s deafening sound.

When you leave your footprints on the sands of time,

I will know sheer joy,

Revelling in my own world of merry,

As I see the worlds become your plaything, a toy.

You try and re-live our moments together,

Thinking they might ease out the pain,

It’ll make letting go harder than the impossible,

A futile exercise, from which there is nothing to gain.

Afar I may be,

Let your sight deceive you,

I will be that invisible presence, ingrained in your glories,

Absently present in your view.

I may be a friend, mother or even a lover,

Anticipating the agony I will have to laughingly endure,

But the promise of being made a delightful part of your feats,

For my devotion to your triumphs is undyingly pure.

How I wish for this moment to be beautifully frozen,

An eternal photograph,

As I bid you the inevitable goodbye,

You will never ever know,

that my smile was sadder than my sigh.

Propose a Purpose to life

“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” 

― Friedrich Nietzsche

Yes people, for this is a free country (debates aside) and I have a blog, so will write.

"But wait,you are gonna be in your third year,isn't it too early to pop the big question to your life?"

"Hell no! If not , I am already late!"

Dealing with life is not an easy task, admitted. But for how long can we go on saying, 

"I want a break!"

 or 

"I just don't have it together now!"  

By branding the fiercely competitive world around us today with the demeaning term "rat race" and apparently not giving a damn about it, one cannot downplay the fact that they are as much a part of it as anyone else.

Bollywood may have its own fair share of flaws, but at times it's able to churn up dialogues that actually stay with you. One such was during the lovable movie "Jab We Met" when the heroine gives a candid advice to the hero,

"Why hate the crowd when you are a part of it?"

It would do us all good if we take a break from scorning at the obstacles life keeps throwing at us everyday and embrace them as challenges and scopes for progress. Life is no doubt a struggle, but stay with Darwin's principle, make yourself the fittest and survive with all the glory!

"All this may seem easy in theory, but do you get it all right every time, Miss perfect" ?

"Sure i don't, but that doesn't deter me from dreaming big"

"Hey, but hold on, sure when you are talking about a purpose, where do dreams come in the picture?"

"Oh, they very much do!"

That is where the flaw in our thinking lies. When we try and separate "Dreams" and "Purposes" as separate entities. Dreams are essentially the precursors of our would-be-purposes in life. The moment we talk about "Realizing a dream" , it is attaching something concrete to it, or in other words, transcribing the dream into a wish for life and then translating it into a purpose. (Central Dogma of life people :P ).

The saddest thing about imagination is - IT'S NOT REAL! One cannot simply resort to taking refuge in our dreams for long. It may seem very nice and comfortable visualizing the things we want in life from the comfortable cocoon of our dreams. But only when we open those eyes and try to make it into a reality, that it becomes something worthwhile. At the end of the day, if you have been able to successfully overcome all the practical difficulties associated with your dream and shape it into actuality, you are able to cherish the sigh of a day well spent. We must all be cautious of the thin line that demarcates when we dream with a purpose and when one simply day-dreams aimlessly. Although day-dreaming has its own necessity (and that is not just for the romantic buffs), too much of anything is bad in essence. And too much of the latter will leave one with an aimless life, devoid of any meaning.

Howsoever, mundane day-today humdrum events of life may seem, but as they say,

"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder "

Today will not be called a "present" if we let this gift    (Dialogue credits - "kung Fu panda : -D")

 go waste by looking at it from a virtual perspective. There shouldn't be any day that doesn't involve us making use of our full potential, dreaming big and shaping a drive towards it by setting a purpose - for the uninitiated, this is essentially self-motivation! 

So take it gradual, take it slow - well take all the time you want to finally figure it out - but it be a purpose that drives you to march ahead.

THAT 1% OF IMPERFECTION

To be human is to err. Try as we may we simply cannot get rid of this erring side of ours, which sometimes we wish never existed. And yet we find that the small joys in our life would’ve never existed hadn’t it been for this trait.

No one loves a clean washed road after the rains without jumping into the small pothole-puddle (and then curse the municipality after splashing in it!).We see a bunch of pups and immediately cuddle the one with a spotted coat. A streak of grey in a bunch of cottony white clouds brings happy tears to the eye of the thirsty farmer – a silver lining indeed.  All of us crave the perfect “happily ever afters” in fairy tales or love stories but not without the initial ups-downs, struggles, villainous schemes- in totality the imperfections. Oh yes, now that makes up for an interesting read indeed! And had it not been for the imperfections in the DNA replication process, the human species would’ve consisted simply of clones of one organism. That would be like looking into a mirror in every direction. SCARY thought!

On those blue days when all the odds seem stacked against us, everything seems to be falling out of place and it is a “why me!” kind of a situation at hand, without a second thought, we curse the person up there for being unable to create a perfect cocoon of life for us. From time immemorial, the terms flawless, perfect have been glorified and considered as standard references for any dimension of existence.

But the stepping stones to achieve them are by the means of overcoming imperfections. The journey is as important as the destination. And imperfections do make the journey- one hell of a ride! The process of our metamorphosis into a strong butterfly, into someone who has an ever-progressing attitude and keen on taking the world with sheer will power- wouldn’t have been possible had we had a perfect, sheltered cocoon since the start. We grow and fight our way towards our goals upon being challenged by the imperfections in our lives. Theses imperfections take myriad forms- competition in academics or the workplace, trying to get a revolutionary policy implemented in an existing system or getting the team together on a particularly difficult match day and likewise.

Imperfections, our very own idiosyncrasies are what set us apart from others. The very dystopian nature of human society is rooted in this fact. And even though the long awaited dream is that of achieving utopia- that’ll make our existence pretty boring, right? It wouldn’t be actually wrong to say that we can assert our identities as individuals due to our inherent imperfections. The world easily remembers where geniuses were flawed in their achievements and yet fails to see that it were precisely those imperfections that awoke the genius in them.

Just a look around and we see a girl with that hair swaying perfectly in the breeze, or that guy who grabbed the latest upgrade at job – a long sigh follows with the exclamation “why can’t I have a life as perfect!”

Before designating their conditions perfect, we must ask ourselves just once: do we even know the full story? The perfect curls or perfect job are all aftermath of pre-existing imperfections. Nobody’s perfect- they won't be human if they were! Power-puff girls wouldn’t be the same if their recipe did not include the imperfect chemical X! Science and everyday learning would be no fun without the usual anomalies or aberrations in them. Again who doesn’t look for loopholes or lacunas in the rules, to get our way past without actually breaking them – that is where we savour the existence of imperfections in life!  

Recognition of our imperfections and taking a holistic approach by their integration- is a far better method of self development- than simply ignoring them and vying for perfection. We do not need any guru, philosopher or shrink to tell us that! Pride your imperfections like your capabilities.