The light at the end of the tunnel

Imagination is one of the most powerful tools of the human mind. 

There is some scientific evidence saying that the mere act of imagining an icy splash of water on a sweltering day leads to a miniscule but significant drop in the temperature of the body. Imaginations are capable of tweaking some of the most powerful regions of our brain and the story just becomes more colourful from there. 

 This science trivia was just to drive home the strength of imaginations – and the consequent line of thought I have been postponing to jot down for a long time now. 

The first time I imagined this “tunnel” was on my very long and exhausting plane ride to Vancouver. Extremely uncomfortable, jet lagged, with nothing but darkness outside my window as my company, my mind automatically made the cabin, a tunnel from which I wanted escape. It could have been a correlation with my childhood fears of train tunnels as I distinctly remember getting agitated when the train used to cross a specifically long tunnel. 

And yet, the memory at the exact opposite end of the pole which was as distinctive as my fear, was the joy I felt once I could see the light again at the tunnel’s end.

There are many such tunnels in our life - the period of anticipation when we await results to an important exam, the exhausting and laborious wait a mother has to undergo before hearing her child’s first cry, repeated failure of experiments just preceding a big discovery or even the cycles of getting hurt innumerable times before we manage to find our soulmates. 

However, the one thing that can be the biggest motivator for getting us past the seemingly inescapable and arduous tunnel is imagining the light or happiness that we somehow know will come at its end. 

A friend of mine once remarked that, every smile has a price (or a tunnel) behind it and I set on a quest to counter him. I was still searching for an example and was having a difficult time finding one. The smile of a new life comes with the pain of the mother, the happiness after watching an old favorite movie may come with the price of hours lost to other urgent pursuits and even if someone were to say love, well, after a lot of thought, unconditional love is one of the rarest commodities and hence maybe an only exception. But it is something very elusive to find and so, statistically, does not count! And suddenly it hit me, 

“But if we are genuinely smiling at the end – who cares about the price?”

Not speaking from a karma-based perspective, and people all for “smart work over hard work” may disagree – after many rewarding experiences, I truly believe that as long as we pay the price of perseverance and dedication in all our pursuits, needless of how long our tunnels might be, we are always guaranteed the reward of smiles and the joy that comes when we arrive at its end.

Often people who have such a “can-do” optimistic attitude are scorned at and touted as weirdos who seem to be “in their own pretty place far away from the real world”. However, people who only try to see the harshness in reality, cease to live and only start existing. They see life as a taskmaster and react by toughing up and encasing their beautiful minds in an impenetrable mechanical cocoon that is just impervious to joyful creativity. 

I read a very beautiful account once which is one of the best examples of the gift of perceiving the light that will come after the dark. 

A poor rural boy in an Indian village had a big family living in a small thatched hut with a gaping hole in the roof. The boy saw his father struggle daily in their tiny farmland trying to make ends meet. He was his father’s favorite child, always spreading happiness and trying to help him rather than his other siblings who always complained about how the other kids in the village were much better off than them and remained forever dissatisfied.

Even on the days when they could barely have two square meals a day, the father always saw a smile on his son’s face. Once taking a break from the field, the father sat down to eat the dry chapatis and onions his son had got him for tiffin. The son was happily fanning him with a fan fashioned out of a leaves. Unable to contain his curiosity any longer, the father finally asked him,

“My dearest one, what makes you so happy all the time?”

“My life father!”

“How is that possible when we lead such a difficult life? Don’t you crave the comforts your brothers and sisters desire?”

“Father!

I wake up to the gentle kiss of sunlight every day. When mother smiles after I help her fetch water and make fire for the stove, my day lights up. When I observe you work, I try to learn and be as good as you at farming someday. I have the soft mud to play in, clean water of our pond to bathe and so many friends in Mother Nature. The starry sky I sleep beneath lets me know that I will reach the stars one day and make you all proud.

Who can be happier than me in this world?”

The father was speechless and hugged his son dearly. For in his little one’s hope, he saw his own motivation to provide the best in his capability for his family.

It is true that life may not treat us fairly at all times – for many it may seem to be anything but beautiful. However, if we always strive to look out for our own starry skies, even the darkest of nights will light up at once, promising the joys of bright sunshine on the morrow.

The tale of a girl and her old friend

Who is a friend anyway?

•          Someone who can bring back joy on the dullest days – check!
•          In whose presence you feel lighter instantly – check!
•          With whom you share jokes alien to the world – check!
•          Who is, often, of the same age or generation as you – UNCHECK (from this day forth!)

I was one among those firm stereotypes who think that that the people we identify as our friends have to necessarily be from our age group for a correct wavelength match. Thankfully, I have been rescued from this misconception early on! And here goes the tale that brought it about:

Last summer, a girl landed all starry eyed in Canada looking forward to an amazing time. However, after battling jet lag and homesickness, she realized that she was alone most of the times work did not occupy her. Her fellow interns were yet to arrive and the other girls in the residence kept to themselves, studying hard to get out to their much awaited summer breaks. Brave as she was, she held on to hope. She had realized long ago that it was one of those beautiful emotions which can keep someone going, no matter how difficult the times.

And lo and behold! Hope made a silent entry for her as she struggled with the exit system at the university’s library one evening. Her hope’s form was tall but slightly bent and clad in a smart tweed jacket over a sweater and khaki pants with big leather shoes to go. He seemed like another one of those busy, old Canadian professors that roamed the campus. Except that he, unlike others, stopped to gently correct and not patronize. He patiently explained the right way to swipe the ID to get out of the building. The girl’s fiasco with the mechanism was a sure show of her newness to the place. Hope’s keen eyes from behind his big spectacles sensed it immediately,

“Would you mind if I walked you till the bus stop?”

All worldly warnings about strangers began reeling in the girl’s mind as she regarded his request. She also had in mind the rude albeit funny labels that accompanied conversation with senior citizens, like any other of her age. She was just about to make a polite excuse and go on when she got a proper look at his eyes. Sitting behind glasses placed on the bridge of a long and crooked nose, they radiated such warmth and kindness, that she agreed on with a smile.

“So tell me how did you come about here in Windsor?”

Then quickly added, “Are you liking it here?”

The girl smiled to herself on his keen sense of observation and began to wonder if her manner gave away too much of her loneliness. Though she was ready to pour her heart out, she started with the usual,

“The weather is too finicky for my liking! And that has made me a little sick.”

“But you’re a long way from home isn’t it? And I’ve heard that being homesick makes you real sick, real fast.”

The girl was skeptical about this and both of them shared a laugh as her eyebrows bolted up at the statement. But he insisted and said there was a scientifically proven nexus between homesickness and low immunity. The girl then proceeded to tell him all about her application to several international internships, the many initial disappointments and rejections and the final joy after being selected for the program that got her there.

He played the perfect listener and was thoroughly engaged and fascinated by whatever she had to tell him. Despite not knowing much about her country, he bravely ventured with questions to gain more knowledge,

“Where do you stay in India?”

Is that close to New Delhi?”

And she laughed secretly knowing for a fact that it was probably the only place in India he knew about. He never let in a lull moment in their talk and after a long time in the age of e-communication, the girl sensed the pleasure of listening to and being listened to. He praised her achievements as if she were his very own granddaughter. He also told her about his experiences as an independent researcher in history, the time of life that he had in Los Angeles long back and his present work. Despite being years apart and far more erudite, he treated her as his equal and that set the factor of comfort in her demeanour with this apparent stranger. When they finally came to the bus stop, the girl pointed in the direction of the shiny, new engineering building and proudly told him that she had an office all to herself there. He smiled at her and confidently said before getting on the bus,

“I bet you’ll be seeing much more grander offices up ahead in your life.” And left off with a smile. For the first time in many days, the girl’s loneliness did not bother her.

As days passed and the girl started putting more hours into work, she never got home till late evening. She became very preoccupied with her project and loved her job. Eventually, with the arrival of other interns, she had a group of “conventional” friends. A thorough e-age person, she didn’t frequent the library either and so she and hope were apart for almost all of her time there.

But she found out to her delight that hope could sense a particularly depressing day and be there to “chat” her out of it. His next appearance was on a day in which none of her lab trails were working. She spotted him at the bus stop and nearly sloshed down her coffee to get there before he went away.

“Hello Aru-pama! How have you been?”

She gently corrected her name out and began venting out everything since their last encounter. They argued a little on how cold salads and simple sandwiches passed around for lunch there (her point) and why make food such a hassle (his point). When she told him all about her experiments along the restaurant street of the city, he was amazed that despite being a vegetarian, she had seen more of the gastronomy of his city than him. He jotted down all of “her recommendations” in “his city” and pledged to try them. The solemnity he associated with this promise made the girl laugh out loud and he left with a puzzled look on his face.

With just two days left for her departure from Canada, she was hoping for a real-life serendipity. Since hope neither owned a telephone nor believed in e-mail, she had no way to reach him. Also, she was too busy jostling between one send-off to another farewell meet to take out time to seek him out at the library. Her disappointment peaked on the penultimate day since she had somehow managed to be at the library for a printing errand and still could not find him. She was leaving sallow-faced and hating her shoes as she walked downcast. And then, she spotted those large leather shoes she was so desperately hoping for. Never had a pair of shoes held such beauty to her as those on that day.

“Aru-pama, you should try and keep a smile on your face – you will use much less muscles that way!”

And with this much needed quirky opening line, the girl cracked into a hysterical laugh. He was amazed at her reaction and asked if she felt alright looking around for help, the care-bear that he was. She giggled and said,

“Sir, you have given me my own serendipity moment.”

When she elucidated, he too shared her moment of hysteria and on-lookers spared looks for the crazed girl and old man outside the library.

The girl had always feared that due to his old age he would not be able to place her face from one meeting to another. She swelled with a selfish pride when she saw another young student approach hope and he tactfully deferred him and then confided to her in guffaws,

“I frankly don’t remember who that is and what conversation he was referring to. I’ll have to use some speech queues with that one,” and winked!

The girl had never before seen such an innocent attempt at winking in her life. That is how she promised herself she will remember her hope, her friend, Mr Glenn Campbell. A permanent smile on his spotted and wrinkled face and an infectious energy within his being much more powerful than any other “highs” people resort to for warding off loneliness. He re-instilled in her a belief that someone watches above us all and sends a medium to light a candle of happiness in the ephemeral dark and gloomy corner of life that chances to come along once in a while.

The girl sincerely hopes that her “hope” will read this, somewhere, sometime and remember her.

-          Aru-pama

Happiness doesn’t need a pursuit....

With all due respect to the movie from which I have heavily borrowed the title (it stands as one of my all time favourites), in the words below I will bring forward the small epiphany I had a few days ago.

It was at the convocation at the host University of my Summer Internship, in a foreign land that I had one of those moments of truth which strike you so powerfully in the essence of their overwhelming simplicity. I had been invited graciously by my lab phD scholars who were receiving their degrees despite knowing me for just 1-2 weeks. I was supposed to be accompanied by a visiting faculty from India whom I knew somewhat.  But due to some delay on my part, I ended up going alone to the venue and try as I might, I couldn’t locate sir there. As a result I had to sit alone after waving to the scholars and waited for the ceremony to begin. Leafing through the convocation booklet, I felt really stupid to have left work at lab for this ceremony; all decked up in my formals and yet had no one to talk to. Just then my eyes caught something and that reminded me of why I wanted to be here in the first place. The sight of so many happy faces of families and friends cheering up their loved ones, pride shining in their eyes, filled me with happiness. This was maybe my first attempt at trying to be happy for someone else and yet I discovered that it filled me with an equal happiness.

It may seem incredulous at first. How can one hope to find happiness in a hall full of strangers? Well I did successfully. Maybe it helped me imagine my family and friends at my graduation two years from now. Maybe seeing grandparents, frail as they may be, trying to put their strength into cheering up their grandsons and daughters, helped me realise that families are same regardless of whichever part of the world they may belong to. Maybe seeing the huge international cultural consortium that had gathered at the venue, Indians, Chinese, African, Arabic, English alike, built in me a new respect for Canada’s tolerant and welcoming educational culture. Maybe the selfie taken by a student with the provost that made the hall ring with laughter gave me some mischievous ideas myself! Barring my two lab scholars, all those who graduated were strangers to me, yet being a part of their achievement, in that hall which had smiles written all over, made me realise the biggest thing of all- that happiness in indeed contagious. 

At the start of any day, we do not mark it as a quest for happiness, yet when we have time to sit and contemplate, the moments we clearly remember are those that brought a smile to our faces. The joke of a lab technician, a stolen look at your lover’s photo and maybe a hurried shy conversation during work, the rainbow in the soapy bubbles of the dishes you are cleaning, a great big sale you chanced upon or maybe a free lunch (and here I would emphasize that there are indeed free lunches in the world as long as you have true friends!). We did not go looking for these moments and yet they filled our hearts with happiness.

Happiness is not worrying about how one can be happier. It requires letting go of all preoccupations and preconceptions that cloud one before the start of any day. One’s mind has to be truly devoid of all disturbing thoughts and have a welcoming embrace for absorbing the myriad forms in which happiness is present around us. 

A friend recently remarked,

“You think a lot altogether and it makes you look troubled, but when you laugh, you look like a baby!”

I was taken aback; it was the first time someone had described my laughter in such a manner (nothing against babies but I don’t like to be called one!). But upon retrospection I realized that it is not just me. However troubled we might be, all it takes is a great big laugh, full of happiness, to transform us for a moment into innocent babies. Nobody recognizes and expresses happiness better than babies- that I give them. It is the beauty of happiness, the innocence of it that brings out the baby in us momentarily. It is this baby that we so tirelessly seek, failing to recognize that it resides within us, just bursting to come to surface.

Happiness may have several albeit even twisted versions- the psychopath finds it in his next successful kill, a mother finds hers in her child, a homeless may find it at a roadside fire on a cold night. Yet I feel that this is the only feeling that in essence is pure- at that moment you are just happy and nothing else. You can be affectionate, possessive and weak in love, you can be spiteful, rebellious and arrogant in hate and you can be mourning and frail in sadness. But when you are happy, you are just that. It may be called as being joyful, cheerful and many other things, but they all are not different in themselves.

If a time were to come when, just for a few moments, everyone on this planet would feel their own moments of happiness at the same time; it would be one of those rarest flickers of time in which humanity would be united. Such is the power of happiness. We have oft heard about the ancient religious scriptures telling us that it was a waste of time to run after material things and men foolishly embodied them as happiness. What I now conclude from here are my own sermonic words – stop looking for happiness, only then can you truly find it and thereby it doesn’t need a long and hefty pursuit.

“If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands,

If you’re happy and you know it and you really want to show it,

If you’re happy and you know it clap your hands!!”

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI; Episode 3: Ms. “Angel” (simply that and nothing else)

Girls will as much be girls as boys will be boys.

We need to simply have those drama sequences, anger on things we would laugh about later, fashion and shopping talks and yes, a shoulder to cry our heart out. At this stage I must admit that while expressing all this at once does drain you out, it takes an almost superhuman strength for the person who is unfortunate enough to be at the receiving end. So thereby I christen thee my angel for your god like strength to all my turbulence.

When you have found your best friend you know it. You need not have been chaddi buddies or long-time acquaintances. The moment you develop your secret language of gestures, laugh out loud on things alien to others but extraordinarily funny to you, sing LP songs together and comprehend the silent promise of being there for each other – you know you have been hitched up for life! :P

Your achievements are multiplied manifold when she speaks about them. You are the ultimate stylista in her eyes (No one ask for my wardrobe collection at this stage please! ). People who have wronged you, are the devil’s advocate according to her. She will shroud all your mistakes. She does the impossible job of highlighting your qualities where you see fallacies. She will remember each and every thing you said even when you forget, and remind you those crucial tiny details when you most need them. When the world stops listening, she hears you. Her eyes will always find you, when the world confers you invisibility. In essence you feel “like a boss” in every aspect of your existence with her lovely presence, motivation and encouragement.  

 In this superficial world around, only her apologies seem sincere for missing a hangout, for landing a missed call on her cell phone or non reply to a “need you” text message, because those convey truly her sadness at not being able to. She will let you be a critic on all her works first before passing it to the rest of the world, being a happy obedient student while you be the bad, criticising teacher. While I am ferocious in any wrong done to her, she teaches me how can the same defence be conducted with gentleness. At time when anger clouds all sense, she can calm you down to a level-head, graciously taking all the steam that ensues in the transformation.

You may be sullen if she remains out of the picture for days on an end and foolishingly assume her probable indifference. Yet she enters the portrait of your life again as if she never had gone anywhere and you simply can’t remain cross. You feel just so happy to realise she was somehow invisibly present all this while.

All my secrets, I shamelessly bare before you,

My joys and happiness as much yours as mine,

However harsh the times we may be going through,

Till my angel looks out for me, I know I will be just fine.

Let me tell you my angel, the radiance with which you light up everyone’s life is unparalleled. The world remains a bit dull without a smile on your face. We may not be together all the while (and I hate your college for this always) but don’t be gloomy ever because of people who do not deserve the blessing of your friendship. Be happy for all those who cherish you in the manner you should be. Remember that being happy is a key part at excelling at all your undertakings. No doubt that you have already made your mark in all fields possible. Next time do that with that 100 watt waali "takatak" smile.

                               

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI; Episode 2: Ms. “Pareshaan aatma”

And you have in front of you, a cherished afternoon siesta from a second half off. You snuggle into your bed with a lovely novel. And lo and behold! There is an announcement in your lobby that your over enthusiastic friend has jumped off from a not-so-slow bus (no suicidal tendencies though :P). So you rush off to Apollo and want to shout at her so bad for scaring you so much. Yet when her befuddled gaze falls upon you, all you can muster is,

“Sudhregi nahi tu kabhi!”

 I was of the opinion that I can be perfectly happy independently when I did not manage to make any friends initially after shifting to college. Contended with my books and coping with the daily chores of independent existence took up my time and I felt this was the way to be. She made her “Dabbanngg” entry then. Made me realise it was criminal to stay like this and it was high time I gave a true blue college life a chance.

“Kitna padhti hai re, kabhi to ghum liya kar bahar!”

“Gapiyane ka man kar rha hai... bahut frustiya liye yaar!”

I was glad to see the “normal” me returning in her presence.

Her presence filled with mischief and fun is contagious. She likes her surroundings to be jolly and even if they aren’t, turns them into a festive mood.  Her zest and enthusiasm for adventurous pursuits makes us feel like old ladies in front of her. No one can feel alone around her. She takes it upto her to ensure that everyone around her feels present and accounted for. Even though all of those “everyone” can wilfully ignore her later on or in a classic display of bitchiness, mock her on her back, she does not give a damn. She never wants to be independent or on her own, and rightfully so because she is there for her friends always and hence expects them to be too. Although we made her realise the hard way that this was not to be. I have wronged her at times and consequently realised her magnanimity in forgiving me every time I may have let her down.

But to my credit, I have made her retain her nerdy side as far as possible!

“Yaar palle nhi pad rha code meko...ek ghante se wahi question pe dimaag laga rahi hun”

“Acche se padhne baithe the but bilkul focus nahi ho paa rha”

    “To chup chaap aake mere room mein padh and idhar udhar dhyan lagana n nautanki karna band kar. Abhi concentrate kar le baad mein distract ho lena!”

Like is with every relationship, there has to be an element of complementation. She’s the fun element and I am the serious one. She is the talkative element, I am the silent one. She’s the photographer, but wait....I can’t be her muse! :p

                                                        

This account is dedicated to my first friend in BIT. Who surprises me with her profoundness underneath her colourful exterior. Who has been my confidant and advisor (whose advice is better listened but not taken :p). With whom this Miss Perfect to the world shares her imperfections without any hesitations. Even if I become irritated with her endless tirades and shoo her off at times, looking back I know she’ll be there and smiling because both of us knew I’ll look back.

“Yaar ,we’ll get drunk after placement, ek baar na please!”

             “Ladki ab tum chup ho jao!”

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI ; Episode 1: Ms. “Hamesha mere saath hi aisa hota hai”

You get an urgent knock on your door. A message has been delivered on your phone heralding the emotional storm that is to be unleashed into the fragile room of yours. And hence enter your friend, on the verge of one of her breakdowns. She is irritated to find your roommate there.

“Can’t she be someplace else now!” And you are thankful that your roomie dearest is very much there to provide cushioning to the effects of the ensuing thundering.

Well roommate or not she starts off,
"I'm jus sick and tired of all the mind games people make up now-a-days...can't life be a bit more simple?"

“Yaar why did I do vellapanti in first year, these programs have oh so high CG requirements!”

“I’m telling you, anything and everything I do, cannot be free of any glitches. I’m doomed till eternity!”

And this tirade is not one way. She has to complete what she has to. But you need to provide your inputs too.

“Are yaar, why are you bothering yourself so, ignore maar na”, “There a lot many other programs out there, I’ll look some up”, “Sunna kisi ki life is not perfect, so drop it”

Oh but drop it, ha she won’t! She will go on and even she is mentally agreeing and knowing what you are going to say next, she will make you say and take out every last bit of advice from you until you’re out of them. And heavens have mercy on you if you run out of advices before she has completed her story of the day. Ah the look you’ll get, is one of utmost deception and treachery. You actually start feeling guilty and go on with the best possible consolation and suggestions you’re able to formulate. After a session with her, you feel accomplished,

“Hell man, I would’ve rocked as a psychiatrist. Kahan engineering mein aa gyi!”

She teaches you patience, makes you a keen listener with the persistence to lend an ear to her troubles.  She makes you compatible with odd schedules, because her appointments with you aren’t scheduled, they can come in the dead of the night, evening, afternoon or absolutely anytime. She enables you to feel confident about yourself, in process of untangling her life, you gain insight into yours. You realise the importance of small problems, you considered inconsequential earlier and now know how to manage them. You feel pride in being the role of a guardian angel and despite all your sleeplessness or exhaustion, at the end of the day, if you have made her smile and lent her happiness, it is worth all the trouble taken so far.

You know yours is the only shoulder she can cry her heart out and only in your eyes can she see an understanding for her troubles. The very fact that she feels free to share things that are so deep and intimate to her, makes you realise that the level of attachment between you two is as close like the life giving umbilical cord between a mother and a child. Believe me I do feel a motherly instinct for this special baby of mine! :P

And let me tell you my friend, that smile of yours is one of the most exquisite things I’ve ever seen. Grace the world with its presence more often as this angel promises to be with you in one form or the other and will go to any length to make you feel everything’s alright. You can trouble me all you want, stay angry at me for leaving you alone at times and give me all the scathing looks or even bang the door right in my face! Aayegi ghum ke mere paas hi I know and my warm embrace will be eternally present to engulf you with all the joys and happiness I can muster for you my dear.

HAR EK FRIEND ZAROORI HOTA HAI

About this clichéd-titled series of mine: first question, why is this a cliché? It is because all the happy realities in today’s “extra-terrestrial-seeking” world have been tagged as clichés. So what if the title is borrowed, it is time someone thanked and gave credit to the creator of this phrase. In my opinion, nothing sums up the inherent beauty of friendship better than this line. The exquisite thing about this relation is that, it is unique for anyone and everyone, for it is defined by the people who constitute it. Each of our friends adds a new dimension, making this element more multi-dimensional than any of Sheldon Cooper’s dimensional analysis of the universe! Also, more the colours on the palate of friendship, better is the lesson of managing diversity early in life.

This series is dedicated to that smile of a stolen bitchy conversation, that hearty laugh over an entirely serious lecture, the spontaneous jigs on any tune possible in the hostel, to the deep love that blossomed from friendship; in entirety to my crazily blessed world of friends.   

Finally this will be a promise fulfilled, who has been honoured with the dedication of the first episode, who is smiling by the time they read this. And who will be ready to come and probably beat me black and blue for this candid take! :p